1. This weekend I thought it was a good idea to let that WNBA player give me a footjob? Is it still considered Athlete’s Foot if it’s on your penis/testicles? Can I still treat it with tough-actin’ Tinactin? Where is John Madden when you need him?

2. I’ve determined that the creator of the 2010 animated feature film ‘Megamind’ created the character by simply squeezing one of his testicles really hard for a really long time and began drawing.

3. I replied to a spam email titled “Free Penis Enlargement Pills” with a picture of my penis. Ten minutes later a doctor replied with a printer friendly version of a 1000mg prescription.

4. As a beastiality enthusiast, you probably shouldn’t have your iTunes set as a shared library for all of hotel patrons to see.

5. Saw the girl I dry humped at my 8th grade Valentine’s Day dance panhandling outside of Auto Zone. I am SO glad I didn’t penetrate her when Ginuwine’s 1996 hit song ‘Pony’ played.

6. Bored, and lurking the internet, I realized their are two kinds of people in the world: Those who show their dick on Chat Roulette, and those who don’t click ‘Next’ upon seeing a dick on Chat Roulette.

7. You can only assume that fucking a paralyzed chick is just like fucking a crash test dummy.

8. Driving through the city, some people seem like they’re driving while looking through the camera feature on their cell phone. I’d suggest using a darker filter on Instagram if sunglasses aren’t available.

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9. EIther the singer of Coldplay did mushrooms and broke a bright, yellow highlighter or he was dating a chick with Jaundice when he wrote the song ‘Yellow’.

10. The last thing you want to do is wake my roommate up from a dream where he’s at a bukkake party.